British Sex Expert
Growing up on a 40 acre farm outside the little village of Worstershire on Sirloin, a young boy, Nigel Cummerbund, was out painting fences. When his father came to inspect the job, the boy innocently asked him "Father, what is that one horse doing... to that other horse?"
Without missing a beat his father replied "Those horses are frolicing in the field". The lad was confused because on his Saturday morning TV cartoon show "Frisky Frolics" he'd never seen Popeye do that to Olive Oil.
After Sidney Cummerbund very patiently explained the differences between adult frolicing and frolicing for children, then and there was the moment when his oldest son Nigel made a life changing decision.
Since there appeared to be quite a range of activities that fell under the wide umbrella of frolicing, and they all seemed like fun, why shouldn't NIgel learn everything he could?
Nigel announced "Father, when I grow up, I've decided I want to be a Frolicologist™!"
After he graduated from secondary school and college, Nigel travelled to Dover where he was enrolled at the Sensual Intelligence Agency™ (SIA), a fictional section of the Government of the United Kingdom.
Within a few years, Nigel Cummerbund had graduated Summa Cum Laude, at the top of his class and became the latest individual allowed to officially refer to themselves as a British Sex Expert™.
Nearly a decade later Nigel was awarded an honuary Doctorate of Carnal Knowledge™ (DCK) by the University of Faké™ in Bangkok, Thailand. This recognition led directly to him being hired as a government consultant.
Government Help?
If someone came up to you and said "I'm with the government and I'm here to help you"... the average citizen will likely laugh at them.
World Famous British Sex Expert™ Dr. Nigel Cummerbund™ actually encourages this kind of reaction from everyone.
For more than a quarter century, Dr. Nigel has been a consultant to Seuality Canada™ which is a fictional ministry of the Canadian government.
As he often says "We know the government tries to screw you every day of your life, so I thought the least we can do at Sexuality Canada™ is teach citizens how to enjoy the experience."
From his earliest hand drawn flipcharts in 1997 to today's computer based keynote presentations with video and audio clips that he and his associates create, Dr Nigel's goal is to combine education with entertainment.
Frequently shows include recordings from The Cummerbund Quartet™. Dr. Nigel's lyrics combined with classic tunes are featured in songs such as Play With Yourself, which reveals insights derived from the T-Rex.
Many women seem to appreciate Thumbs Up, a song that points out the stupidity of a very common double standard that females face.
Audiences are encouraged to anonymously submit questions before each presentation. As the questions are revealed to Dr. Nigel during the show, the audience watches to see if he will be able to tap into his vast knowledge to come up with any answers.
Or will Dr. Nigel yet again have to pull another half vast answer out of his tush?
Live Appearances
Nigel's first public apperance was in a show called Simulated Nudity at the Vancouver Fringe Festival. He appeared as a favour to local standup comedian Graham Collins. Going solo, Dr. Nigel followed this up with SOLD OUT performances at the Edmonton Fringe Festival before returning to the Vancouver Fringe.
During a Green Tortoise Adventure Tour of Costa Rica in 1999, Dr. Nigel Cummerbund put on an impromptu after dinner "show" for his fellow travellers.
After scoring in the top 2% of the world's population on a standardized IQ test, Dr Nigel was invited to join Mensa. He made a number of highly rated appearances at Mensa Annual Gatherings in Canadian and US cities such as Vancouver, Toronto, Philadelphia, Dallas, Minneapolis / St Paul, Portland and Las Vegas..
The Mensa show in Las Vegas resulted in Dr. Nigel being asked to return to Sin City the following year for what was the most unique show he has done so far. Dr. Nigel was honoured to be the ONLY single male invited to a couple's convention for thousands of swingers.
UP NEXT: Dr. Nigel wil be heading to the Winnipeg Fringe Festival for a series of performances of Funny Answers to Your Sex Questions in July 2024.